WRESTLING WITH GOD ( Genesis 32:24 )

2/28/10 Genesis 32:24 “Then Jacob was left alone; and a Man wrestled with him until the breaking of day." Such a powerful verse for me. When I think about the word ALONE I think of overwhelmingly secluded darkness. Wait! That’s how I used to feel. My whole life I never wanted to be alone. I would search out others to fill the empty space inside. This meant I would be indiscriminate in my choice for friends. I always felt like an outsider and this feeling lead me down a path seeking others who felt the same way. I was 8 years old when I smoked my first joint. By 10 I was regularly using pot and using alcohol. The short version of my drug use is that by 17 I was in drug rehab. I felt comfortable with the people that were there. We were a bunch of misfits with a common background and goal. The goal was to fill the empty space inside. When I finished 10 months of drug rehab I went back to high school and I once again felt very isolated and alone. Now I had no way of filling this empty space in my heart. I was alone!! I felt that overwhelming darkness that I tried so hard to fill with drugs and alcohol. Now my friends were nonexistent. Even my best friend Marijuana I didn’t talk to anymore. I was Left to fend for myself in a world where I was an alien. Even my friends from the drug rehab were back using again. I was all alone meandering through life. I went to community college and it took me 5 years to complete a 2 year degree. I felt self-reliant, strong and invincible. I can’t tell you haw many times I wrestled with God and won. Then one day my self-reliance was stripped away and I found out I had bone cancer in my leg. I spent a year going in and out of the hospital for chemotherapy, surgery and rehabilitation. I was no longer self-reliant, but I was totally reliant on my mother to feed me, bath me, take me to the bathroom and at times wipe my butt. Then about six months into chemotherapy a friend invited me to church. I didn’t want to go, but I really didn’t have any better offers. At the church I felt out of place like I did in high school. Then at the end of the sermon the pastor gave an invitation to receive the gift of salvation. Then once again God came and wrestled with me. This time I gave up and let him win. For the first time in my life I felt a peace in my heart. I finally got that space filled that I was trying to fill my whole life. I no longer felt like an alien in a strange world. I felt comfortable with the people that were there. We were a bunch of misfits with a common background and goal. The goal was to fill the empty space inside. This time it worked. I received Jesus Christ as my lord and savior and never regretted my decision. John 3:16-17 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” Now the word ALONE isn’t such a scary word, because I am never alone. Jesus says in Mathew 28:20 “surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." What a great promise. How reassuring it is for me that I am never alone and whatever I am going through in life Jesus is with me. Thank you Jesus.