Your Suffering Is Over (Mark 5:34)

6/10/10 One dollar and twenty-two cents! That’s how much it cost for me to send the final divorce papers to xxxx. I felt numb when I walked into the post office. It felt almost like a funeral march. I went up to the counter gave her the envelope and she said “one dollar and twenty-two cents”. I gave her a five and she gave me the change and I looked at her and said “is that it?” and she said yes. Then I walked away. I felt like something else should have happened when I gave her the envelope. It seemed too easy for a life changing event. Now what do I do? I could say that I feel lost, but I’ve felt lost for quite sometime now. I have friends who want to set me up on a date and some of the women are quite beautiful. I don’t think I can take it right now. I do feel lonely sometimes. It’s not the same loneliness I felt before when I would go through my outer-darkness-inexpressible-overwhelming-inconsolable-paralyzing-loneliness! I would imagine it’s the same feeling of being separated from God for all eternity. The thing was I was separating myself from God through my sinful disobedience. I don’t feel that way anymore! I feel “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding”(Philippians 4:7). Even through the death of my mother and this divorce I still have peace. I was thinking the other day that I should feel worse then I do, but God has given me peace in my heart. I have never felt like this before. Even as a child I’ve always had some kind of turmoil brewing in my heart. Now it’s gone. I finally feel like I am healing. I finally feel like I’m a whole person and not two people fighting and warring against each other. I feel like I touch hem of garment of Jesus and the power of God is healing me. “And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over”(Mark 5:34). I asked earlier “now what?” I don’t know, but in a way it’s kind of scary and exciting. God is going to do something and He has been refining me and building me up “ For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him (Philippians 2:13).