4/17/10 O Lord I know you have wisdom and power beyond my comprehension. You say in your word “ For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD”(Isaiah 55:8). I am constantly reminded of this almost daily. I spoke to my wife last night and it was a good conversation. We spoke of things that mattered and things that were on our hearts. It’s been about two months since we last talked and the conclusion was that she still wants the divorce. “ You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book” Psalms 56:8). I had hurt her so much that she just can’t get past the pain and the uncertainty of me hurting her again(she didn’t say that exactly). Her tone was one of it doesn’t matter what I do now because her consistent question for me was “ why didn’t I do this before we were separated” and another question she would ask “ why didn’t you ever love me”? To these questions I have no good answer. I had a rebellious heart that was so hard that I couldn’t see past my own evil desires. “We know we have rebelled and have denied the Lord. We have turned our backs on our God. We know how unfair and oppressive we have been, carefully planning our deceitful lies” (Isaiah 59:13). She had a fair questions for me and deserves a fair answer. My only reply is “I have always loved you and I always will”. My actions didn’t show it because I was stuck in my sin. “Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death(James 1:14-15). I killed our marriage and it appears that there will be no resurrection. My prayers have not been unanswered because in the process of prayer God gave me a new heart.“ I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart (Ezekiel 36:26). God didn’t give me what I wanted which was a restored marriage. He gave me “a tender, responsive heart”. God I pray in your son’s name Jesus that you would give xxxx a new heart. Lord you know exactly what she needs, and I pray that you would speak to her the way you speak to me. Soften her heart Lord.
I know this video I posted Is a little psycho! It’s how I’m feeling @ the moment.
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