You Keep Track of All My Sorrows(Psalm 56:8)

I drove by the first place xxxx and I had our first date today. It wasn’t on purpose , but as I drove I knew it was coming up. I didn’t feel sad when I saw it, I kinda felt a little good. I guess I was feeling the fond memories and not the loss that I’m feeling right now. Our first date was going to go and watch a boat parade but it was already over or it was on a different day then we had thought. It really didn’t matter because we walked together and talked and I felt so comfortable. She was wearing a jean dress and I remember I thought she was so beautiful. I couldn’t believe that someone like her would go out with me. She was smart, pretty, funny (still is) and she thought I was funny. We walked by the water and down Las Olas blvd where there were upscale shops and restaurants. We went through the stores joked around and had a good time just enjoying each other. We ended up at a restaurant called Mangos. There was a blues band playing and it was so nice. I felt uncomfortable sitting face to face with this beautiful woman and I felt a little tongue-tied. I remember thinking to my self “don’t say anything stupid” which was my usual Modus operandi. I tend to ramble on and on until I say something that may be a little odd or just one of those “why did I say that “ moments. For the most part I think I did pretty good(at least she didn’t say anything). Why do I write this? I don’t know! I was thinking about it and this is what came out. I guess I feel a little nostalgic for the days when things seemed so easy and care free. When I had a clean slate with nothing bad was written on it. No dumb comments that would haunt me for years. No hurtful actions .It was all new fresh and full of promise. The touch of her hand would make me shake inside and my heart felt like it would burst with joy. Now my heart feels like it’s going to burst, but not for joy. Will this ever end? Will this great loss I am feeling eventually subside? It feels worse then when my dad died. It feels worse then when I had cancer. I can’t describe it but sometimes I feel like I’m dying. I know one day I will feel better yada yada yada! I think I just want to be in my poor-me-pity-party. I have so much to be thankful for, but at this moment I think I’ll just pray a little and cry a little. Psalm 56:8 “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”