“For My thoughts are not your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:8)

5/01/10 I finally got my day in court! I was there with my lawyer who apparently didn’t know what my case was even about. So He had me fill him in 30min before court started. Then we walked into the court house where all the other criminals were awaiting trial. I dressed in a shirt and tie with dress pants, but apparently it is an informal court house! I saw people who were wearing from “pants on the ground” to cutoffs. I heard one lawyer speaking to his client and telling him to take off the sunglasses, tuck in his shirt, and pull his pants up. I think he was giving him good advice LOL! My whole case only lasted 3.543 minuets. My lawyer went up spoke to the prosecuting attorney and asked if the case could be plead for a lesser charge. They agreed and my final charge was reduced from (murder 1 ) I mean from disobeying a lawful command of a police officer(second degree misdemeanor) to the equitant of avoiding a traffic signal by and going through a gas station (minor traffic no points). This whole ordeal only cost my $1,625.00. That’s $1,500 for the lawyer and $125 for the ticket, but the lesson I learned “PRICELESS”! God was speaking to me about my problem I have had my whole life with authority and trust. I have been praying about it after the whole job thing and this traffic ticket. God revealed to me my problem with authority all started when I was three years old and I was molested by someone in the neighborhood. Ever since then I have been trying to get control of my situation by defying those who I felt were a threat to my safety or who can in someway control me or if I felt like they were trying to control me. This translated to basically almost everybody I came into contact with. Some examples would be: teachers, parents, police, bosses, friends, family, and even my wife. I have had trust issues from my earliest childhood memories. Now God is revealing to me the root cause of my anxieties. I feel like I am finally being healed from a chronic debilitating sickness. I just don’t know why God waited 38 years to reveal it to me!! I know the scripture where it says“ For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD” (Isaiah 55:8). It doesn’t help me not feel resentment towards you O God. Sorry that’s how I feel Lord. Please forgive me! I know I am questioning You and that I am but dust. I am a lump of clay questioning why you formed me the way you did. You already know my thoughts so it doesn’t matter if I write them down or not. I feel like Job who was questioning God why he was being afflicted so severely. “Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said: “Who is this who darkens my counsel By words without knowledge? Now prepare yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer Me (Job 38:1-3). Then God proceeds to ask Job Questions about things that are impossible to know or fathom unless he were God. Then after two chapters of questions from God “ Job answered the LORD and said:“ Behold, I am vile; What shall I answer You? I lay my hand over my mouth. Once I have spoken, but I will not answer; Yes, twice, but I will proceed no further”(Job 40:3-5). You know somehow writing this part of scripture makes me feel better. Do I have to know why this thing happened to me when I was three years old? No! I need to trust YOU and “know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified”(Romans 8:28-30). Lord thank you for refining and conforming me into the image of your Son Jesus. I feel the cleansing power of His blood and the freedom of being redeemed. In my life time I have been a drug addict, thief, brawler, drunkard, liar, pervert, idolater, blasphemer etc… “Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty(Psalm 32:1-2)!
“Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s”(Psalm 103:1-5).
When Jesus saved me in 1994 one of the sermons that the pastor was teaching on was “What is Your Purpose in Life”? I wrote down on my note pad “My purpose in life is to help the hurting wherever that may be.”
“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ” (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).