The Lord gives his people strength. (Psalms 29:11)

3/19/10 "The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace." (Psalms 29:11) O Lord I feel like you spoke to me yesterday through Your Holy Spirit. I feel like I had a breakthrough and you gave me insight to the root of the problems that plagued me my entire life. I can some up my entire problem in one word. INSECURITY! The definition of Insecurity: a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be unloved, inadequate or worthless (whether in a rational or an irrational manner). I remember even from nursery school feelings of insecurity and an overwhelming sense of mistrust of others. I believe my insecurity stems from when I was molested at 3 or 4 years old . I’m not sure who it was, but I think it was someone from the neighborhood we were we lived. I believe from that point on my innocence was taken away and it altered my overall perception of people around me and who I was as a person. As I look back I didn’t feel like my mom had protected me from the dangerous person and if my mom who was my whole world (like god to me)couldn’t protect me, then there is no way I can be ever feel safe. This translated to how I reacted and interacted with everyone I met. I can remember from nursery school to high school how I would try to hide or blend in with the crowd. I would hardly talk to anybody for the first half of a school year. Then after I got an overall perspective of who everybody was and who could hurt me or had the potential to hurt me , then I felt comfortable enough to talk. People would say to me “why didn’t you talk before” or some would say “you are like a different person.” The truth was I felt like there were two different people inside of me. The first person was a shy scared little child that felt paralyzed in normal social situations. The second person was a funny outgoing “normal” person. I felt like I was schizophrenic. What made it worse was that I would change schools about every two years. Every aspect of my lifewas affected and not it seems that my marriage is another victim. Lord Jesus I thank you that you love me even when I don’t feel lovable. It doesn’t matter how I feel Your love for me Lord Jesus will never change. I thank you that you are molding me and shaping me into the image of your Son. I’m just starting my long journey to wholeness and Lord I know you will and are delivering me from my bondage of fear and insecurity. I am 41 years old and I just realized that I am a scared three year old child inside. Lord God help me to heal, help me to be secure in you , and help me to be whole. “I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak his praises. I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are helpless take heart. Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness; let us exalt his name together. I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears (Psalms 34:1-4).